The Holy Struggle

To wrestle with God is exhausting. It can lead to a hardened heart fueled by pride in the bitterness of unmet expectations, (been there done that) or to the sweetness of a surrendered spirit to the will of a loving Father (been there also, albeit in fleeting moments). It is a fight that you will always lose, but in the end, if you choose the latter, you will surely win.

To be led by your "wants" is to be left ever-wanting, to surrender to His will, is to be filled by His Spirit and fulfilled.

To know this Truth, is the beginning of an incomprehensible freedom, an open door that we don't quite know how to walk through. The question of how to completely surrender my will, in order to make room to receive what I've already been given access to as a child of God, is one whose answer still evades me. To walk through this door requires a trust and intimacy that at least for me, is truly frightening. Bits and pieces to the answer as to why this complete surrender is so difficult, my mind understands, but all this partial understanding brings, is more questions. Do I really want this?... Do I truly believe? ... I am ready for this deep walk into the Light?

The Lord's words to the disciples when the question was asked if they could sit at His right hand in the Kingdom immediately hearken in my spirit..."You do not know what you are asking for". Oh Lord you are so right, I surely don't...but yet, a hunger inside me keeps me moving in that direction. How I want to be fully engulfed in Your Love, how I want to walk as you did; fully aware and fully surrendered to the Father's will, and how aware I am of how far I am from that.

The answer is incomprehensibly simple and at the same time seemingly painfully out of reach. "Become as one of these" ...have the faith and trust of a little child, then complete surrender will be simple. Let go of the illusions of the reality which confronts you and simply believe in the Truth I've set before you. Trust in me my child...I got this. I can not only get you there, but I can keep you there. I have overcome the world. I hear You Lord. Give me the courage to get out of the boat, and the Love to fully trust. Help me Holy Spirit to stay focused on You, and unlike Peter, after getting out of the boat, just trust in the beauty of the moment without being distracted by the storm.

You know I don't enjoy this struggle Lord, You know I would just rather be still...and yet, You also know I understand the need for it. I do trust You and You know I love You...now help me just to be...just simply be Your obedient child

#trust #transformation #spritual #surrender